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Blog

Ikigai

I came back to my Ikigai, what I am good at, what I love, what the world needs and what I can get paid for. It feels like I’ve truly been working in the right direction.

Curious about what I’ve been up to?

I was determined to bring a digital art museum — which had closed in 2020 due to the pandemic — to Ticino. Although the work wasn’t centred on what I do best — art direction, UX design, and art — I still poured those skills into every step. I led the fundraising, project management, and curatorship, even when no one else, not even the founders, believed in it… but I did. And I make it happen.

I also work as a UX architect consultant for a digital agency in Lugano on a major institutional project.

At the same time, I’m developing two artistic projects: one is an installation on violence against women, due to be exhibited in November; the other is an artistic research project on cyanobacteria, in collaboration with a biologist.

I’m actively involved in two women’s associations: in one, I led a STEAM event and ran one of the six workshops myself, called Generating Ideas; in the other, I’m currently organising an event on leadership.

And while doing all of this, I have two kids, a husband, a house, and a cat — plus a garden with my beloved peonies and camellias. My orchids are blooming inside the house.

I’m not a photographer, but I use photography in my art.

I’m not an illustrator, but but I always sketch my installations — sometimes adding a touch of watercolour.

I’m not a sculptor but but I’ve used sculpture in several experimental and land art projects.

I’m not a writer, but writing is central to my creative process.

I’m not a dancer or a performer, but movement and dance are part of my art.

Labels never define us.

I can’t breathe. I miss the air,

Noise

Sitting here, trying to think about how to manage everything, trying to feel less useless and meaningless. There is too much noise around and this silence inside of me is too much dangerous. I try not to drown in this dirty puddle I created. I guess I’m dying inside, in silence. I don’t want to bother anybody.

Falling

I sit down in the corner, the reason he treats me like I’m nothing, perhaps, it’s because I’m nothing.

Water

I’m like the water… everything flows out and I always find a way. No hopes to bother me…

Uselessness

Sometimes I realised I escape from situations and persons. I fear about depressed people, I’m not able to face that black tunnel and when I see it from distance I simply escape. There was a time I felt empathy so much towards problematic people, now I simply help from a limited distance, I’m not able anymore. I know really well what means. At the end you are always alone with yourself, only you can decide your future, you can lie to yourself, continuing say that life is againts you, but there is only an enemy of your serenity: it’s you. I’m not justify my uselessness, just explain why I choose to not be part of your falling.

Fetch your life

For years I was drowned down by the duty of trying to be original and change the world with my job. the best lie “you have to be original to be remembered, you have to be unique”
Now I understand, when someone asks me “what are you doing?’ I answer “ I just do things that make me feel good”. And my point of view changed, and the creativity is growing up. But first of all I feel good and happy.
Never let someone says what you are able to do, what is your journey, what do you have to do, who you are. The way will be clear, we have our own path. Suggestions are precious when they don’t bring you down.
Work for your path, for you evolution, for your balance. Use you eyes to evolve yourself and never forget the humility.
Just thoughts

Running away

Thoughts scattered, as crumbs on the table. Forgotten there by chance or with intent.
When I was young, I was often overwhelmed by the opinion of others. My self-esteem, too fragile and precarious, often was under the weight of those small words.
Today I can’t accept them and when I perceive of negativity, I suffer but I run away. Distant and wounded.

So tired

I’m so tired of being here.

Far away

No, I haven’t learned yet that negative and pessimistic people have to stay out of my life, light-years far away. I have not yet learned that the people who judge you are slimy, they make you talk by making you believe that they are the ones to open up and instead they are lurking there to take advantage to throw all their dissatisfaction and frustration at you. I can’t stand anyone who tells me how to think, how to act, who to be. And I still stupid believe it, naive as always. I am not angry because I am interested in this specific person, I am angry because even today I am not able to understand and defend myself from these people and their negative energy.